Potpourri
"Writing through the Hard Times"
Writing through the Hard Times was first published in Romantic Times several years ago. Here's the full text:
If I had a dollar for every time people said to me, "I don't know how you do it," I could buy a mansion. They're not talking about how I write and sell two full-length novels a year. Many romance novelists are prolific. What they're really saying is, "I don't know how you do it when you have a disabled son."
You see, my six-year-old son is autistic. For those of you who never saw "Rain Man," autism is a peculiar neurological disorder affecting nearly every aspect of development. My son's sensory perceptions and social and communications skills are skewed. He can't tell me when his stomach hurts, but can recite Dr. Seuss books word for word. And thanks to his confusing vision of the world, he often behaves in unorthodox, obsessive, or even harmful ways—like giving a blood-curdling scream if you try to take a different route in the mall than the one he's used to.
Life with my son can be trying. But many of you probably have equally trying situations. You may have to care for disabled children, disabled spouses, or elderly parents. You may be disabled yourself. Even if you and your family are healthy, you may be coping with a major financial crisis or a messy divorce.
None of that need stop you from writing. Trust me, if I could spend two and a half years writing two and a half novels in the evenings while working full-time and doing my part in rearing our autistic child, you can do whatever you set your mind to. There are, however, ways to make it easier.
First, learn to be selfish sometimes. You already give more to your family than the average person. Don't let your loved ones make you feel guilty about taking something for yourself. If you don't take what you need, you won't write and you'll go crazy. Establish boundaries and protect them fiercely. If you don't have a room that you can dedicate to writing, then find a corner, but make it yours alone. Fill it with objects and books that inspire your writing—dictionaries, inspiring quotations, etc. If you have a family typewriter or computer, set hours during which only you are allowed to use it. I know it's hard to tell your husband (or wife) that you can't type that letter to the insurance company until after you write your three pages, but you must treat yourself as a professional before anyone else will treat you as one.
Secondly, accept that a regular schedule may be impossible for you. Instead, set yourself an amount of writing to accomplish daily—two pages, three pages, whatever works for you. If that means you write from 11p.m. to 1a.m. or for half an hour during your invalid mother's nap, then so be it. When I worked full-time, I wrote from 8:30p.m. until 11 or 12 since my son went to bed at 8 (those were the good ol' days) and my husband fell asleep on the couch about the same time. My family took priority from the time I got home until 8:30, but whatever wasn't done when 8:30 rolled around stayed undone. My house was dirty and we ate lots of fast food, but thanks to my diligence then (and a very supportive spouse), I write full-time now.
Third, use your writing as a pressure valve for your frustrations, instead of turning to television or chocolate. You can scream, whine, and celebrate through your characters. They will be better for it, and so will you. In fact, don’t be ashamed to use your personal experience in your writing. Romance novels are emotional, and what rouses your emotions more than your hardships? Many of my characters have physical or emotional disabilities; the heroine of the suspense book I am about to write has an autistic child, and I’m looking forward to capturing all the joy and terror of raising an autistic son.
Although you must be careful not to make your book preachy or boring, your personal knowledge can give your work depth. Writers are scavengers, after all. Their use of the flotsam and jetsam of their lives makes their writing intense and real.
Most importantly, learn to believe in yourself and to forgive yourself. You can’t do everything. My husband and I pursue some, but not all of the therapies for autistic children. I don’t have time to do much self-promotion. Still, despite all the difficulties and frustrations, I find that writing is essential to my coping. So when people say, “How can you do it?” my answer is, “How can I not ?” Make that your answer, too.